BLOOD AS FERROUS LIQUID

I suffer from life and from other people. I can’t look at reality face to face. Even the sun discourages and depresses me. Only at night and all alone, withdrawn, forgotten and lost, with no connection to anything real or useful — only then do I find myself and feel comforted.

f.p

RESTART

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.”

 — F. Scott Fitzgerald


Don't lose sleep over trivial things. Think big, work harder. Be worth something. What I try to tell myself everyday will eventually shed light on me. I promise myself.

STOP TIME

You start to forget things about the relationship, things you thought were important and would always hold dear. Nope. Time kills everything. Thankfully, it also heals it. 

Down time in my life. Need to sort out my priorities and decide what I'm actually doing. Chatted with my sister for awhile last night and I determined that this is my early life crisis wtf. I spent today doing barely any studying but spending my whole time reading articles online and doing graphics. So dead.

Some graphics I did today that I'm not sure if I'll be posting up on tumblr because it's abit embarrassing. I was kinda just trying to master some tools on photoshop. Not really the kind of edits I usually do because it's so flashy and I'm usually very into simplicity and minimalism erm.

this one is really embarrassing lol like what am i doing duplicating jesse lewis 3 times

I did an Edward Scissorhands edit maybe 2 days ago or something. Also, gif-ed Channing Tatum from 21 jump street to kinda celebrate that 22 jump street is coming out lol 

I really should have dropped out of this course and pursued digital graphics and media or something idk. I watched an episode Galileo today too and it kinda reignited my desire to be a forensic scientist or a doctor but I'm rubbish at science or any calculative things so there goes my hopes and dreams. 

Maybe I should do freelancing in digital graphics. Ok so erm if anyone want's me to do any graphics I'm for hire AT A PRICE wtf but I don't do digital sketching tho because I'm useless at that evidently from my attempts. 

I'm so tired

QUOTABLE LIVING

"Your life is not an episode of Skins. Things will never look quite as good as they do in a faded, sun-drenched Polaroid; your days are not an editorial from Lula. Your life is not a Sofia Coppola movie, or a Chuck Palahniuk novel, or a Charles Bukowski poem. Grace Coddington isn’t your creative director. Bon Iver and Joy Division don’t play softly in the background at appropriate moments. Your hysterical teenage diary isn’t a work of art. Your room probably isn’t Selby material. Your life isn’t a Tumblr screencap. Every word that comes out of your mouth will not be beautiful and poignant, infinitely quotable. Your pain will not be pretty. Crying till you vomit is always shit. You cannot romanticize hurt. Or sadness. Or loneliness. You will have homework, and hangovers and bad hair days. The train being late won’t lead to any fateful encounters, it will make you late. Sometimes your work will suck. Sometimes you will suck. Far too often, everything will suck - and not in a Wes Anderson kind of way. And there is no divine consolation - only the knowledge that we will hopefully experience the full spectrum - and that sometimes, just sometimes, life will feel like a Coppola film."

And it kills me to know, that I'll never get or find what I really want. Emotionally or physically. The wait will never end.

CLARITY

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyesand extra colors. and the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." - Terry Prachett

And that is exactly what I need. To see where I come from, in a different light. 

ACQUIRED TASTE

"It's hard for anyone to like me." 

"Yes that may be true, but you're an acquired taste. Just like cigarettes or whiskey, you may not like it at the first try but the more you take it the more you like it."

YOU

“He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.”

FOLLOW YOUR HEAD

pool time fun by rwrfn 

Felt really frustrated today because of school work. I hate irresponsible and non-cooperative people, would it kill you guys to present decent work? Lazed around the house for awhile and then headed out for dinner. My day was pretty short because I woke up too late, spent the past night reading the blue lagoon(1908) by henry stacpoole and the fault in our stars(2012) by john green up till 4am.

Went swimming alone in the evening at the pool. I really do love swimming, it clears your head and for awhile and everything feels better.

So I was reading the fault in our stars and it was a really sad novel. Beautifully written though. I'm sure everyone knows the famous quote, "My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations" but the one phrase that bore a deeper impression on me is "All salvation is temporary" -

 Pretty damn true I reckon
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Also check this really awesome mix I chanced upon -

POWER OF WORDS

Have you ever realised that every single thing we read is merely a different combinations of 26 letters? That's amazing. I've been reading on and off for the past few months but recently got back in the zone. Words are amazing, never ceases to surprise me. How words can be pieced together so perfectly; to express and imply just what the author wants you to feel.

It's an amazing feeling to read. You gain knowledge and unlock feelings and thoughts you never knew you had. It makes one think. 

“If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

Not trying to wheedle anyone into only dating a girl who reads but one who reads does have a more active and flavourful imagination.